you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
a search helicopter?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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