Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
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You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
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Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize