I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
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through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
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I could run a drunk marathon in heels
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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