your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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