Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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