dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
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And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
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All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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