Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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