I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We need to rekindle our bromance
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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