yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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