All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
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You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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