Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
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Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
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I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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