How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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