This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
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She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
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It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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