I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
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Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
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I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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