That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
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Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
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I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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