so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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