Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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