life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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