I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
someone owes me an orgasm
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
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Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
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He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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