Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
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So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
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I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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