I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize