Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
two words: eviction party
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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