So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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