The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
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Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
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He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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