I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
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I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
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When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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