totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize