My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
what the fuck happened to the tacos
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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