if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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