you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize