It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
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He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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