And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
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In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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