I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
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These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
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Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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