We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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