She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
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He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
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I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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