Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
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I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
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I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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