i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
God I need to hump something, right now.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize