Old men and throwing up are my life now.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me the toilet please
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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