My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize