There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
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It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
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Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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