I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
