I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
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I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
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Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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