I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize