Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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