I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
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The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
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I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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