i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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