yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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