you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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