I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize