I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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