I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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