We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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